Showdown.

I just celebrated my nineteenth birthday on the 28th, and tbh it wasn't the best birthday because a lot of emotions were running high. I've come home to not only realise some friends have changed, but seemingly I have as well.

For a lot of people, university is a time to go crazy and essentially lose all morals - sex drugs and rock and roll. Whilst I like to party, I'm not keen on throwing some things like sex around. I don't particularly about what others do, people can have sex with everything with a pulse if they want, but it's not something I can indulge in, I'm too highly strung. I'm not one to judge, and it's infuriating to be thought ''boring'' simply because I don't want to talk about or have sex all the time. In my eyes, I find it more attractive to act and look sexy whilst staying on the right side of classy. Anyway there's more to life than sex - it's wonderful and exciting but there's no need to broadcast when you've had it. In fact, it's more boring to only have sex as a topic of conversation.

Anyway, as another year draws to a close, I wish everyone a wonderful new year. Be reckless and carefree, but most importantly be who you are and true to your heart.

Happy New Year!

Keep Calm And Carrie On.

I make mistakes. That's what I do.
I speak without thinking.I act without knowing.
I drink so much I can barely walk.
I'm a fantastic lover though, and an amazing friend.
God knows I mean well.

Our Day Will Come.

I think it's apt that since it's the end of the year, I make this blog a little more personal and reflect on some of the highs and lows of 2011. It's been hectic to say the least, a lot of good things happened but with every year there were some real lows.

The Best

Getting Into University
One of the major and most obvious changes has been getting into university and moving away from home. I'm only down the road which I prefer because it means I can hope on a train for not much more than a tenner and be home. The independence has felt quite natural to me, and the major adjustment has been coming home and having to answer to somebody. Me and my Mum have been at logger heads quite a few times, but I think we're getting there.

The academic side has been interesting, I'm happy with the grades I'm getting but as I always, I feel like I could be doing more. However, a new year is approaching an thus a new attitude. I feel more motivated to work because I earnt my right to be here, and I'm at well respected university - I won't screw it up.


New People
So many people have entered my life this year - being eighteen has definitely improved my social life. It's not just university friends, but people in Sheffield. I didn't have nearly as many people in my life last year, and I felt quite lonely at times. I'm eager to see who else will enter my life in 2012 and what impact they'll have on my life I hope it's a positive one.

Getting old people out of my life
As I entered 2011, there were some people who were in my life who didn't deserve to be there. Sometimes you keep people in your life because you hope things will change, but it gets to a point where someone can only hurt you so much that even if you forgive them, the memories of how much they hurt you will always remain. In 2011 I finally managed to get those people out of my life, I'm happier and I know now that I will never allow myself to be treated that way again.

New Found Confidence
I think I've definitely come out of my shell this year. Changing my appearance somewhat has helped, and alcohol. I feel much more sure of myself and whilst I'm unsure of what I want in life, I feel like I'm getting there.


The Bad

A lack of intimacy
Perhaps the only area of my life that has been the cause of any pain has been my romantic life. I spent a lot of time being hurt over the way I'd been treated previously, which consequently made me paranoid and suspicious of any other male who entered my life. In turn I then managed to treat someone else badly not because I'm malicious, but because I'd become confused and paranoid - I feel guilty and would like to apologise to them at some point in the future if the oppurtunity arises. I hope 2012 is a little kinder on my romantic life, and whilst I'm not entirely sure what I'm after - I hope I find it next year.




Febuary 2011 :)




December2011 :)



Merry Christmas¬

The world will never be the same, and you're to blame.

I'm home, and it feels alien but familiar at the same time - I feel like my uni life is a distant memory and the people almost mythical. I've been out catching up with my friends mostly, and was out Saturday,Sunday and Monday night. We went for a meal on Sunday which I enjoyed because it was just like the old times, in that we were ridiculously imaature - it was nice. On Monday me and Emma braved the cold to go to Corp, and we both had a decent time but I'm eager for Friday when all of my friends are out.

I've decided to remain in halls next year, and hoepfully I'll end up in the same hall as my friend. House hunting was becoming too stressful and I realised I'd miss the social atmosphere of halls far too much. I'm hoping to become a fresher helper next year, simply so I can relive freshers again. I'm also hoping to switch to Spanish next Semester, simply because I'm finding French quite a headache, I've done Spanish before and found it much simpler.

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year.

I go home on Saturday, and I'm actually eager to go home. I feel incredibly tired, and just want a break - althought I have four essays due in the first two weeks back so I don't get that much of a break. I'm starting to feel homesick, and I really just want to see my friends again - I miss them!

What I've noticed is that nights out at uni and at home are completely different. I feel much more comfortable and in my element back home, but here I feel on guard. It's most proobably when you're friends with people for four or five years and friends with people for three months, you feel more comfortable and there's less judgement.I'm thankful I have Laurie with me because she understands, not only that I'm having fun, but also how I dislike the interference (not that I do anything spectacularly wild) from others.

Contrary to what this blog post will lead you to believe, I actually am happy here. I think I've matured somewhat and learnt more about myself as a person. It'll be intresteing to see what Semester two brings.

To Live Is To Learn.

Today has been strange in that I reaised today that I have no idea
what I want to do in life, and it scares me. I'm here at university doing a degree I enjoy (apart from my poetry module), but I'm still clueless as to what want to get out of this degree.

Perhaps what really hit me today is how unextraordinary I am. I have no special talents as such, I can't speak another language, I'm not a fantastic writer, I can't draw - sometimes I feel like a fraud and that I shouldn't be here. Perhaps I'm just a bit hormonal, but I feel quite low today.

Just Like A Star.

The past week has been one filled with media. On Monday I attended the launch of a new brand of Rum called ''Pink Pigeon''. Sadly, it wasn't much of a social occasion as I was taking promotional photos, but I was given free drinks all night so I didn't feel too hard done by. The rum was made into a mojito, and it was absolutely delicious. It tasted fruit with a sharp taste of mint, so it's a product I'll definitely purchase if it becomes widely dispersed.

On more exciting news; I applied on a whim for a position of presenter at the 2012 Olympics. I've just had a chat with one of the researchers and they'll be getting back to me early next week to let me know if they want to take my application further. I'd LOVE to get the position, but I'm preparing myself for the rejection due to my lack of experience in presenting.

I've also been considering a semester abroad next year, spending the winter months in America sounds heavenly.

What It Takes To Come Alive.

I organised my belly dancing social on Wednesday, and we went for a Thai meal, which to say I'm not a huge fan of Thai food, was realy nice. Tonight we're going to a hafla where we'll see a belly dancer performing, and for Christmas we'll be having cocktails!

Speaking of Christmas, It's less than three weeks till I return home for the Christmas holidays. It feels like time has flown, and it'll be surreal to be back in Sheffield for longer than a weekend. It's been quite difficult returning home and having to answer to my Mum as I'm so used to running my own life now, and it's thus resulted in some heated exchanges. Hoefully, the festive season will see us both being able to reach an understanding.

Lovely Bones.

One of the negative effects of student life is the temptation to eat all the time. During our two week freshers, I actually lost weight due to being too busy to sit down and eat a proper meal. Currently, I feel like I'm gaining weight, which displeases me enormously. My clothes still fit the same, but I feel a beer belly being to form due to the copious amounts of alcohol consumed in recent weeks. Luckily, my impending deadlines have meant I've only been out once this week, and this will be the same for this week. Once I start running again (I keep promising mysef I wil) I'll hopefully be feeling healthier.

Cooking my own food has been an interesting experience to say the least! My flatmates have been amused at my poor efforts, and for the first few weeks, sausages, beans and chips were staples in my diet. However, I recently made spaghetti and a really tasty seasoned mince; soon I shall be challenging Gordon Ramsay to a cook off ;)

I Come Alive In The Night Time.

Label is the university magazine and as an English student, it's one of the first things I signed up to. Currently, I'm writing for features, but I'll hopefully be contributing to Culture and doing some photography; once I become more organised.I'm currently doing a feature where I went out to the union one night dressed down in flats, tights etc, and on the alternate night dressed up. What was interesting was that I got much more interest on the night I was dressed down. Also, I enjoyed it more because I felt much comfier and I could really get my groove on!

Unfortunately, for the next two weeks I shall becoming something of a recluse due to the impending deadlines and a Language text coming up. I'm eager to do well in these and prove myself worthy of my university place.

Hips Don't Lie.

On Thursday, I somehow ended up putting myself forward for the Social Rep for the belly dancing committee. Admittedly, at that particular session I can't have looked like the most social person since I was ridiculously tired and had been in a zombie like state for most of the day. However, I'm currently at home for the weekend, due to it being my Dad's birthday and also visiting my friends for Halloween, but hopefully the rest will have me feeling more refreshed for my return.

I actually have a busy couple of weeks coming up. I'm writing for the university magazine; I'm doing a feature which requires me being in the union two nights (more on that later). I'm belly dancing, and I also have to prepare for a poetry, language test and then two essays to write. Once my hand in date on the seventeenth arrives I'll most likely be burnt out. However, for the moment I'm thriving under the pressure and busy schedule.

Homecoming.

I went home last weekend, and it felt quite alien to be in a quiet house with no random people strolling in. Whilst I felt relatively happy to return home, I've been plagued with a feeling of restlestness in the past few days.

What I'm feeling is not homesickness, but a lonliness which is quite haunting at times. It's likely just to be a mixture of the post freshers come down and the fact winter is rapidly approaching, but I'm praying the feeling will fade soon. On a happier note, I've begun to join some societies. I've signed up to the university magazine and radio, belly dancing and potentially the progressive society. I'm unsure how I'll fit this all into my timetable, but it'll be a welcome relief to have some hobbies alongside my degree.

Don't blink, they won't even miss you at all.

Perhaps it's the fact I opted to stay in tonight instead of going out, but this is one of the first nights I've felt perpetually lonely and unhappy.

Even though two of my friends from Sheffield are at Loughborough, I've only seen them a couple of times, so it's almost like they aren't here. Hopefully, once freshers has ended we can have a catch up and I'll feel rejuvenated. At the moment I feel like I'm beginning to lose my sparkle and I'm starting to feel irritated and moody. However, with a visit home tentively sketched in for next weekend, I'll hopefully feel like my old self soon.

Stay Awake.

Lectures have commenced and the workload has been a definite shock to my system. Thankfully, I have read some of the books on the reading list which was a relief to my initially horrified reaction.

In other news, whilst working through the day, I've also been partying through the night. Loughborough's freshers week lasts just over two weeks, and somehow I have managed to make it out to all the events. Admittedly, I am beginning to flag, and part of me will be relieved when it's over and I can spend a few nights in working and generally unwinding. Despite all my initial reservations, I'm happy to be here. The work looks challenging but also enjoyable and there's been many memories made already.

Monsters.

The last few days have been a blur of new faces, and today I decided to stay in and do some reading for my course. Freshers has been enjoyable so far, but at the same time there's the pressure to constantly be talking and meeting new people. Thanfully, I've managed to meet up with my friends from home so I'e had the pleasure of just being able to chill out and not worry about constantly networking.

My halls of residence has arranged a sober night, and after four days of drinking I'm actually relieved my liver will be getting a well deserved rest. Overall though, after a brief wobble last night; when I gave my friend a tearful drunken call at 2am, I'm reasonably comfortable and not massively homesick. Lectures start Monday, and I'm actually incredibly excited!

I'm Already There.

Move in day was yesterday, and hectic is the word most appropriate for the day. After driving round the entire of campus we finally realised that my hall, William Morris was off campus.The day was a blur of meeting new people, drinking and trying to make the mess in my room tidy.

Whilst I cried when my Mum left, homesickness hasn't been an issue. My hall has kept us busy and the fact I have met some genuinley lovely people has eased the pain of the transition. Whilst I do miss Sheffield and will be incredibly happy whenever I get the chance to go home, I definitely do not feel as bad as I thought I'd feel. I'm happy I have a focus and I love that all my much missed friends back home are texting me and keeping in contact. It's a wonderful reminder that no matter what happens at uni, I've got some amazing friends and family at the other end of the phone who will always be there for me <3

The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows.

Whenever I log into Facebook, I see multiple statuses from different people, saying how they can't wait to get to university and how excited they are.

The Uni hype is all around me and I'm just not feeling it. I feel like I'm in the minority, in that I'm terrified. I'm scared I won't fit in, I'm scared of the workload, the debt and missing home. It makes me wonder whether deep down everyone is feeling the exact same thing, or maybe I'm just a minority against the vocal majority.

Waiting.

Less than a week to go

Summer's On Its Deathbead.

With under two weeks till my move in date, I've finally started clearing out my room and packing some boxes.As disorganised as it sounds, I still have cutlery, towels and stationary to buy ;) However, with my Mum finally off her holiday I'm confident that by this time next week I shall have all my university supplies and shall be ready to pack, then leave.

Taking Off.

Last night my friend Zoe threw an Ann Summers party, as a farewell get together as the first of my friends leaves on Sunday. She's one of my closest friends and I'm really going to miss her. Although, I have made her promise to come stay, and I'm already planning to go home for Halloween at Corp so we do have things to look forward to.

It finally hit me today though that I'm completely unprepared for university! I still have things to buy, overdrafts to arrange and boxes to pack. Luckily, my Mum comes back off holiday soon so I can really get cracking and start preparing for my new life.

All Fired Up.

Here are just a couple of the books I've ordered as preliminary reading for my course. They've no doubt given my postman severe backache, but they've ignited a flame of excitement within myself.

I've been terrified that I'll hate university; finding the degree dull and the workload stressful. However, I've delved into the books I ordered and my interest has really been captured; for the first time in months I feel inspired, and I'm starting to re-believe that this is what I want.

I guess this is called growing up.

Now me and all my friends are leaving for uni; a lot of time has been spent out partying in town. It's ironic that I spent over half the year wishing I was at uni, but now I'm almost there I'm terrified and constantly questioning not only my ability to cope, but my desire to go. I think a large part of it is down to having one of the best summers of my life - I've experienced so much.Also, the fact I've met so many new people and grown closer to others will make the inevitable day when I leave so much more difficult.

However, I am constantly reminding myself that I'm fortunate to have the chance to study at Loughborough, I'm less than an hour away from home, and I'm beyond lucky to have two of my best friends attending the same university as me. As for the family and friends staying in Sheffield, and those friends moving away; I'll miss them, but no matter what happens, I'm only a train ride away.

Options.

Yesterday my induction pack arrived from Loughborough University. This made the fact I'm going to university scarily real!

One of the things that has excited me about my course is taking another module from outside of my department. I'm applying to do a language and I'm currently debating between French and Chinese. The former appeals to me because French is, after all, the language of Love. However, the latter seems like a much more interesting option, and with Chinese fast becoming a rising power, more logical. Tricky.

A New Perspective.

There's so any different ways to (re)start this blog, but I shall attempt to make this post as short and concise as possible:

I was lucky enough to be given a place at Loughborough University to study English. Consequently, this blog will focus on primarily on student life. I'm sure there will be many more articulate bloggers covering the same topic, however I shall try and make it as entertaining as possible and decorate it with many pictures :D .