I've been thinking of everything I used to want to be.

Sometimes, when I feel particularly sad or down, I write in my other blog. It's private and simply a place for me to release the thought processes I can't articulate to anybody in person, nor are they things I feel entirely comfortable placing on this blog.

It's sad that we have to hide some of our thoughts from people, but if we confessed everything that we considered or agonised over then we'd be seen as a touch mental. Maybe if everybody confessed what they were really thinking, then we'd be happier. No glossing over deep rooted desires/problems/fears with a cynical joke, no denial and no dressing ourselves up in the armour we wear everyday to protect ourselves.

Maybe, if we were more honest, not just with each other but ourselves, then we'd all be a little happier - maybe.

Say I'm Alive.

The time off from university has allowed me to have a period of self reflection that only the abrupt shift from living with six people in a flat to just one other inhabitant in a house can have.

Perahps it's a result of spending too much time on tumblr, listening to music and reading, but I have this huge urge to write, and as I read somewhere (probably on tumblr) scribble wildly with reckless abandon. I see so many people at university that are so talented in so many different fields that I just want to find my craft and work at it.

However, I'm not a superb or even mediorce athelte, I'm terrible at art and I don't have the charisma to do something like run for a position of committee. My talent lies with words, and even though the creative level of my writing skills is embarrassingly redundant comapred to my academic skill - I want to work at it. I've realised I want to be well read and informed; I want to write something of worth that touches people. I think this partially dawned upon me when I attended ''Speech Bubble'' in Loughborough, which is basically where people perform their poetry. One line in particular (although why I have no idea) was a poem about the small things in life and the line ''It's the first bite of takeout on a night out, when you're overdressed and unbothered'', it was by a French man and it seemed so relevant to my life and the night as a whole was so inspiring that it sparked the desire to start writing creatively again which was only fuelled when I came home and had chance for reflection.

Something Good Can Work.

I've decided to apply for some summer jobs at residential camps, whether I'll get onto one is debatable but the prospect of spending an empty summer in Sheffield is not appealing. I've been feeling really calm since coming home - a break from the bubble was most definitely needed.

Currently, I'm reading Jack Kerouac's ''On The Road'' and I'll be starting ''The Perks Of Being A Wallflower'' once I obtain it from my dear Laurie. I feel really inspired to write atm, not just articles and on here, but something more substantial; a lot of this can be traced back to me reading a lot of Amy Winehouse whose music inspires me every single day. If I was to write something then I'd want it to be like her music: poignant, haunting but beautiful and heartfelt also.

Running With Wolves.

I finally got my tattoo! It wasn't that painful but it has fuelled a desire to get more - I officially have tattoo fever! Also, I return home tomorrow and I'm in the need for some much needed relaxation. I'm eager to spend some time looking after myself and I shall officially be avoiding alcohol and getting seriously active in an attempt to look good for summer. Here's my inspiration:



If I can get halfway to looking like this then I shall be a happy girl.

One Love

Recently, my days have been spent lounging in bed watching Sex and the City and doing work. I feel a little restless at the moment, which probably explains why I got my nose pierced on impulse last week and have booked myself in for a tattoo this week. Oh, and I'm changing my hair colour.

I'm currently experiencing a few ups and downs at the moment, but I ritual I seem to have when I experience these episodes is to change my appearance drastically. I think it's a reminder to take care of myself. I guess it's also a way for me to hopefully kick-start some excitement/positivity into my life. The beginning of the year seemed so hopeful and now I'm wishing life would pick up and thrill me again. However, the only way is up after all.