Danger Days!

First year is OVER! My last deadline of first year was on Friday but I handed my last piece of work in on Thursday. Consequently, I have three weeks of pure partying and I could not be happier, there's the dreaded leaving university for the summer day which is rapidly looming but I'm focusing on enjoying my last few weeks. I'm even more sad as my flatmate is going on exchange for the first semester of year two, so I won't see her till February next year - I'll miss her. Also, I'm spending the WHOLE of August in Edinburgh writing for the fringe fest. I'll be writing for Fringe Biscuit and producing mini reviews, I'm so, so excited!

Shotgun

This is just a quick post before I dash off to my Spanish Oral. I'm currently, waiting to hear back from the uni magazine about a spot as editor which I'm confident I won't get as I messed up my interview. I felt a bit down about it for a few days, but I can't let one potential setback bring me down. If I don't get the spot I'll work extra hard next year to ensure I get a spot, because I really love the magazine.

In other news, I leave Loughborough for the summer on the 29th, and I'll be incredibly sad, but I'll be happy to be home andbeing able to concentrate on preparing for next year. I'm aiming to spend my days volunteering, catching up with people and spending a lot of time working in the gym; the alcohol lifestyle at university has seen me gain a bit of weight, so I'm determined to get it off and more by September. The first thing I shall be doing when returning to Loughborough at the end of September is signing up for the campus gym! Bye for now

Dreaming is believing.

Hello! It was the societies federation AGM on Tuesday which was followed by (drinking) games and free entry to the union after. The theme was back to school so I was clad in my school tie and shirt. It was a fun night and I'm now officially the editor of the newsletter! It's not a particularly exciting role but it's another thing to add to my C.V. Also, I've been accepted as a writer for The National Student which is an on-line magazine, so things are really looking up.

I've neglected this blog somewhat, as my other blog is taking up most of my time ( http://makinguseofmydegree.wordpress.com/ if you didn't already know). I've been getting a lot of positive feedback from it; I'm so happy that people enjoy reading it! In other news, I'm applying for the position of a writer which would mean me spending a month in Scotland, and it's something I'm really hoping I get, so fingers crossed!

Higher than the empire state.

I've neglected this blog somewhat due to me dedicating my time to my new and more humorous blog: http://makinguseofmydegree.wordpress.com/
However, I have returned to keep you updated on things, and let you know what's been going on in my little life. Bascally, I've been preparing myself for next year which looks to be HECTIC, so good time management is going to be essential to ensure I do not flounder. Here's what I've got planned for next year:


1) Work on the uni magazine more I've applied to be the features editor and I really hope I get the position for next year as I've contributed a lot in the past year, and I have so many ideas for it. It's the section of the magazine I'm most passionate about and I want to make it the best section of the magazine.


2)Work for lsutv An email reached my inbox about some roles for the Loughborough student's union television and I'm eager to get involved. Next year I intend to get involved with the television aspect more, but I'm going to the media centre tomorrow to find out what I can do for the remaining weeks we have.


3)Take up Mandarin I'm so so happy I switched to Spanish; my teacher is really nice and I find it much easier to pick up than French. However, my Dad has been telling me to choose Mandarin next year, I want to stick to Spanish but I've decided to a fast track of Mandarin next year which will take up two hours a week of my evenings, on top of the work load I'll already have and all the extra stuff I want to do.


4 Shake up the Belly Dancing Society I'm now treasurer of the society and the committee has so many plans to bring it back to life. It means learning all the routines,thinking of new ways to get new members and generally making the society fun again. This is on top of the things like managing the finances,so I'm going to be a busy bunny.


5) Pole Dancing Loughborough has a pole dancing society and I'm determined to join it next year and if they keep their classes at the same time I should be able to do it!

It's Never Safe For Us.

I return to Loughborough tomorrow and I will be one of the last to return, as most people went back in the days just gone past.



I'm slightly scared about returning because of how stressed I was in the last couple of weeks before Easter. However, I feel relatively calm, and I've spent the month reading, writing and trying to secure some form of occupation for the summer. Overall, April has been kind to me and I haven't felt any of the stress I felt throughout March. I've made my peace with some people, rediscovered my motivation for work - I want to do really well for the remainder of this semester. I've also created a new blog: http://makinguseofmydegree.wordpress.com which is more obscure and humorous than this blog, if my writing has a voice, I'd say that my word press blog is more representative of it.

I've been thinking of everything I used to want to be.

Sometimes, when I feel particularly sad or down, I write in my other blog. It's private and simply a place for me to release the thought processes I can't articulate to anybody in person, nor are they things I feel entirely comfortable placing on this blog.

It's sad that we have to hide some of our thoughts from people, but if we confessed everything that we considered or agonised over then we'd be seen as a touch mental. Maybe if everybody confessed what they were really thinking, then we'd be happier. No glossing over deep rooted desires/problems/fears with a cynical joke, no denial and no dressing ourselves up in the armour we wear everyday to protect ourselves.

Maybe, if we were more honest, not just with each other but ourselves, then we'd all be a little happier - maybe.

Say I'm Alive.

The time off from university has allowed me to have a period of self reflection that only the abrupt shift from living with six people in a flat to just one other inhabitant in a house can have.

Perahps it's a result of spending too much time on tumblr, listening to music and reading, but I have this huge urge to write, and as I read somewhere (probably on tumblr) scribble wildly with reckless abandon. I see so many people at university that are so talented in so many different fields that I just want to find my craft and work at it.

However, I'm not a superb or even mediorce athelte, I'm terrible at art and I don't have the charisma to do something like run for a position of committee. My talent lies with words, and even though the creative level of my writing skills is embarrassingly redundant comapred to my academic skill - I want to work at it. I've realised I want to be well read and informed; I want to write something of worth that touches people. I think this partially dawned upon me when I attended ''Speech Bubble'' in Loughborough, which is basically where people perform their poetry. One line in particular (although why I have no idea) was a poem about the small things in life and the line ''It's the first bite of takeout on a night out, when you're overdressed and unbothered'', it was by a French man and it seemed so relevant to my life and the night as a whole was so inspiring that it sparked the desire to start writing creatively again which was only fuelled when I came home and had chance for reflection.

Something Good Can Work.

I've decided to apply for some summer jobs at residential camps, whether I'll get onto one is debatable but the prospect of spending an empty summer in Sheffield is not appealing. I've been feeling really calm since coming home - a break from the bubble was most definitely needed.

Currently, I'm reading Jack Kerouac's ''On The Road'' and I'll be starting ''The Perks Of Being A Wallflower'' once I obtain it from my dear Laurie. I feel really inspired to write atm, not just articles and on here, but something more substantial; a lot of this can be traced back to me reading a lot of Amy Winehouse whose music inspires me every single day. If I was to write something then I'd want it to be like her music: poignant, haunting but beautiful and heartfelt also.

Running With Wolves.

I finally got my tattoo! It wasn't that painful but it has fuelled a desire to get more - I officially have tattoo fever! Also, I return home tomorrow and I'm in the need for some much needed relaxation. I'm eager to spend some time looking after myself and I shall officially be avoiding alcohol and getting seriously active in an attempt to look good for summer. Here's my inspiration:



If I can get halfway to looking like this then I shall be a happy girl.

One Love

Recently, my days have been spent lounging in bed watching Sex and the City and doing work. I feel a little restless at the moment, which probably explains why I got my nose pierced on impulse last week and have booked myself in for a tattoo this week. Oh, and I'm changing my hair colour.

I'm currently experiencing a few ups and downs at the moment, but I ritual I seem to have when I experience these episodes is to change my appearance drastically. I think it's a reminder to take care of myself. I guess it's also a way for me to hopefully kick-start some excitement/positivity into my life. The beginning of the year seemed so hopeful and now I'm wishing life would pick up and thrill me again. However, the only way is up after all.

Someday You'll Be Fine.

In my seminar today we briefly touched upon the issue of desire, and how desire is about wanting something that is absent. Sometimes I wonder what the person who ''has it all'' desires. Does anybody really have it all? and if anybody does, do they know it? We all want that higher grade, to be that one stone lighter, Carrie Bradshaw's wardrobe, and that special someone who seems to be completely out of our reach.

I wish I could stop desiring things, but then if I did, would that signify me giving up hope? I don't think desire and hope are two mutually exclusive things, but at the moment I feel a little low on hope. I'm not 100% sure where I'm going, and I'm unsure whether I'll find what it is I'm looking for. However, I'm putting more effort into my work, I've made some apologies and lent myself to some volunteer work. I guess I hope that if I do enough good deeds, it'll generate some positive karma towards me.

Breakeven.

I'm going to start looking for work experience at a solicitors in Sheffield for the summer, I'm going to dedicate myself to learning Spanish, I'm going to do more voluntary work and aim to get a high 2.1 for semester two. Despite how low I'm feeling, I'm going to be ok.

Higher Is Impossible

Amsterdam is such a beautiful city, and the people so friendly. I was lucky enough to see my former flatmate who is from Holland, and left us just before semester two began. On my brief visit I went to the sex museum, The Van Gough Museum, the red light district and spent a lot of time in coffee shops. I wish I'd been able to visit Anne Frank's house,though. Next time.

Bubbles.

After a disasterous night out on Friday, I've decided to return home for a few days. Whilst I won't go into details at the moment, I've felt quite low at university in the past few days, and I was in desperate need to return to Sheffield.

Loughborough is a complete bubble because the town is that small. Consequently, I feel a bit trapped at times, and I noticed that my mood had begun to pick up when I was on the bus home. I return to university on Wednesday and then lave for Amsterdam on Thursday night so I won't really be back at university till Sunday. I'm hoping that once I'm back doing my lessons that I'll cheer up at bit, and that my low mood is the consequence of having nothing to do.

I felt quite calm when I returned in January, but again I feel al the old doubts about who I am resurfacing. I feel, at times, that I'm seen in a different way to who I actually am. Hopefully, this is simply a mixture of winter blues, too many free days and hormones and my next post will be more positive.

Reckless Abandon.

The past week has been spent doing very little. I successfully managed to get onto the Spanish module though, and the gods of English and Drama have smiled upon me and given me a very nice timetable.

Keep your hopes up high and your head down low.

My absence has been due to having to complete four essays, which is a combined word count of 9000 words, and my French tests. The last two weeks have been busy to say the least.I've been running off less than six hours sleep at times, but now I've finished and handing my work in tomorrow and have two b-e-a-u-t- i-f-u-l weeks off in which I intend to do nothing and everything all at the same time.

I'm really looking forward to reading books that I WANT to read, discovering some new bands, spending lazy days with my friends and exploring a bit more of Loughborough. Then two weeks today I shall be Amsterdam bound for two (hopefully) reckless days.

It's so bizarre that the first month of 2012 is almost over - it started in Sheffield and ends in Loughborough. It's been relatively quiet, but I'm feeling relatively optimistic that good things will come my way. I'm just keeping my fingers crossed extra tight.

When My Day Comes.

Well, on Sunday I shall be Uni bound once again. I've tentatively begun tackling the mountain of work that I have been set - my promise to work over Christmas failed miserably.

I'm happy to be going back, I've missed people and it'll be good to be doing something again. Also, I've gained some weight here and when I'm back at university I'll be thankful that I won't have mountains of chocolate to be tempted by. However, I've loved being back home! I've missed my friends and I really feel myself here. One thing I've noticed is that I'm not myself at university: my friend said I'm ''painted in water colours''. That statement is true to an extent, I'm a lot less outgoing and I think it's because I don't feel 100% comfortable as I live with these people, and I've known them a mere three months. In Sheffield I feel comfortable cracking an inappropropriate joke, being flirty and dancing around. I've promised that I shall unleash myself in semester two, because I can't spend three years pretending to be somebody I'm not.

Aside from this inner conflict, 2012 is promising to be a good year so far. I feel much more relaxed and comfortable about who I am, I'm going to Amsterdam in a month, I'm seeing Young Guns at an incredibly small show (only 160 tickets released!), and I may be attending a hippy festival in August. Hopefully, when this year really gets going, I'll have more good things to share.