Showdown.

I just celebrated my nineteenth birthday on the 28th, and tbh it wasn't the best birthday because a lot of emotions were running high. I've come home to not only realise some friends have changed, but seemingly I have as well.

For a lot of people, university is a time to go crazy and essentially lose all morals - sex drugs and rock and roll. Whilst I like to party, I'm not keen on throwing some things like sex around. I don't particularly about what others do, people can have sex with everything with a pulse if they want, but it's not something I can indulge in, I'm too highly strung. I'm not one to judge, and it's infuriating to be thought ''boring'' simply because I don't want to talk about or have sex all the time. In my eyes, I find it more attractive to act and look sexy whilst staying on the right side of classy. Anyway there's more to life than sex - it's wonderful and exciting but there's no need to broadcast when you've had it. In fact, it's more boring to only have sex as a topic of conversation.

Anyway, as another year draws to a close, I wish everyone a wonderful new year. Be reckless and carefree, but most importantly be who you are and true to your heart.

Happy New Year!

Keep Calm And Carrie On.

I make mistakes. That's what I do.
I speak without thinking.I act without knowing.
I drink so much I can barely walk.
I'm a fantastic lover though, and an amazing friend.
God knows I mean well.

Our Day Will Come.

I think it's apt that since it's the end of the year, I make this blog a little more personal and reflect on some of the highs and lows of 2011. It's been hectic to say the least, a lot of good things happened but with every year there were some real lows.

The Best

Getting Into University
One of the major and most obvious changes has been getting into university and moving away from home. I'm only down the road which I prefer because it means I can hope on a train for not much more than a tenner and be home. The independence has felt quite natural to me, and the major adjustment has been coming home and having to answer to somebody. Me and my Mum have been at logger heads quite a few times, but I think we're getting there.

The academic side has been interesting, I'm happy with the grades I'm getting but as I always, I feel like I could be doing more. However, a new year is approaching an thus a new attitude. I feel more motivated to work because I earnt my right to be here, and I'm at well respected university - I won't screw it up.


New People
So many people have entered my life this year - being eighteen has definitely improved my social life. It's not just university friends, but people in Sheffield. I didn't have nearly as many people in my life last year, and I felt quite lonely at times. I'm eager to see who else will enter my life in 2012 and what impact they'll have on my life I hope it's a positive one.

Getting old people out of my life
As I entered 2011, there were some people who were in my life who didn't deserve to be there. Sometimes you keep people in your life because you hope things will change, but it gets to a point where someone can only hurt you so much that even if you forgive them, the memories of how much they hurt you will always remain. In 2011 I finally managed to get those people out of my life, I'm happier and I know now that I will never allow myself to be treated that way again.

New Found Confidence
I think I've definitely come out of my shell this year. Changing my appearance somewhat has helped, and alcohol. I feel much more sure of myself and whilst I'm unsure of what I want in life, I feel like I'm getting there.


The Bad

A lack of intimacy
Perhaps the only area of my life that has been the cause of any pain has been my romantic life. I spent a lot of time being hurt over the way I'd been treated previously, which consequently made me paranoid and suspicious of any other male who entered my life. In turn I then managed to treat someone else badly not because I'm malicious, but because I'd become confused and paranoid - I feel guilty and would like to apologise to them at some point in the future if the oppurtunity arises. I hope 2012 is a little kinder on my romantic life, and whilst I'm not entirely sure what I'm after - I hope I find it next year.




Febuary 2011 :)




December2011 :)



Merry Christmas¬

The world will never be the same, and you're to blame.

I'm home, and it feels alien but familiar at the same time - I feel like my uni life is a distant memory and the people almost mythical. I've been out catching up with my friends mostly, and was out Saturday,Sunday and Monday night. We went for a meal on Sunday which I enjoyed because it was just like the old times, in that we were ridiculously imaature - it was nice. On Monday me and Emma braved the cold to go to Corp, and we both had a decent time but I'm eager for Friday when all of my friends are out.

I've decided to remain in halls next year, and hoepfully I'll end up in the same hall as my friend. House hunting was becoming too stressful and I realised I'd miss the social atmosphere of halls far too much. I'm hoping to become a fresher helper next year, simply so I can relive freshers again. I'm also hoping to switch to Spanish next Semester, simply because I'm finding French quite a headache, I've done Spanish before and found it much simpler.

It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year.

I go home on Saturday, and I'm actually eager to go home. I feel incredibly tired, and just want a break - althought I have four essays due in the first two weeks back so I don't get that much of a break. I'm starting to feel homesick, and I really just want to see my friends again - I miss them!

What I've noticed is that nights out at uni and at home are completely different. I feel much more comfortable and in my element back home, but here I feel on guard. It's most proobably when you're friends with people for four or five years and friends with people for three months, you feel more comfortable and there's less judgement.I'm thankful I have Laurie with me because she understands, not only that I'm having fun, but also how I dislike the interference (not that I do anything spectacularly wild) from others.

Contrary to what this blog post will lead you to believe, I actually am happy here. I think I've matured somewhat and learnt more about myself as a person. It'll be intresteing to see what Semester two brings.

To Live Is To Learn.

Today has been strange in that I reaised today that I have no idea
what I want to do in life, and it scares me. I'm here at university doing a degree I enjoy (apart from my poetry module), but I'm still clueless as to what want to get out of this degree.

Perhaps what really hit me today is how unextraordinary I am. I have no special talents as such, I can't speak another language, I'm not a fantastic writer, I can't draw - sometimes I feel like a fraud and that I shouldn't be here. Perhaps I'm just a bit hormonal, but I feel quite low today.

Just Like A Star.

The past week has been one filled with media. On Monday I attended the launch of a new brand of Rum called ''Pink Pigeon''. Sadly, it wasn't much of a social occasion as I was taking promotional photos, but I was given free drinks all night so I didn't feel too hard done by. The rum was made into a mojito, and it was absolutely delicious. It tasted fruit with a sharp taste of mint, so it's a product I'll definitely purchase if it becomes widely dispersed.

On more exciting news; I applied on a whim for a position of presenter at the 2012 Olympics. I've just had a chat with one of the researchers and they'll be getting back to me early next week to let me know if they want to take my application further. I'd LOVE to get the position, but I'm preparing myself for the rejection due to my lack of experience in presenting.

I've also been considering a semester abroad next year, spending the winter months in America sounds heavenly.