Someday You'll Be Fine.

In my seminar today we briefly touched upon the issue of desire, and how desire is about wanting something that is absent. Sometimes I wonder what the person who ''has it all'' desires. Does anybody really have it all? and if anybody does, do they know it? We all want that higher grade, to be that one stone lighter, Carrie Bradshaw's wardrobe, and that special someone who seems to be completely out of our reach.

I wish I could stop desiring things, but then if I did, would that signify me giving up hope? I don't think desire and hope are two mutually exclusive things, but at the moment I feel a little low on hope. I'm not 100% sure where I'm going, and I'm unsure whether I'll find what it is I'm looking for. However, I'm putting more effort into my work, I've made some apologies and lent myself to some volunteer work. I guess I hope that if I do enough good deeds, it'll generate some positive karma towards me.

Breakeven.

I'm going to start looking for work experience at a solicitors in Sheffield for the summer, I'm going to dedicate myself to learning Spanish, I'm going to do more voluntary work and aim to get a high 2.1 for semester two. Despite how low I'm feeling, I'm going to be ok.

Higher Is Impossible

Amsterdam is such a beautiful city, and the people so friendly. I was lucky enough to see my former flatmate who is from Holland, and left us just before semester two began. On my brief visit I went to the sex museum, The Van Gough Museum, the red light district and spent a lot of time in coffee shops. I wish I'd been able to visit Anne Frank's house,though. Next time.

Bubbles.

After a disasterous night out on Friday, I've decided to return home for a few days. Whilst I won't go into details at the moment, I've felt quite low at university in the past few days, and I was in desperate need to return to Sheffield.

Loughborough is a complete bubble because the town is that small. Consequently, I feel a bit trapped at times, and I noticed that my mood had begun to pick up when I was on the bus home. I return to university on Wednesday and then lave for Amsterdam on Thursday night so I won't really be back at university till Sunday. I'm hoping that once I'm back doing my lessons that I'll cheer up at bit, and that my low mood is the consequence of having nothing to do.

I felt quite calm when I returned in January, but again I feel al the old doubts about who I am resurfacing. I feel, at times, that I'm seen in a different way to who I actually am. Hopefully, this is simply a mixture of winter blues, too many free days and hormones and my next post will be more positive.

Reckless Abandon.

The past week has been spent doing very little. I successfully managed to get onto the Spanish module though, and the gods of English and Drama have smiled upon me and given me a very nice timetable.